Excerpt for GITT: Weather by , available in its entirety at Smashwords

GITT: Weather

By

Marc Corn & Steve Wright



FOUR SEASONS A YEAR and there’s always some idiot complaining about how much they hate the change of weather. When it's winter, people complain about how cold it gets and wish for summer to come along, but once it’s here, they complain about how hot it is. You can’t have it both ways, just put up with it like everyone else. Stop bleating like an idiot, if you can’t stand the weather; go live under a rock like a hermit.

Some people think I’m a major GITT, but I will give you some words of advice to battle the seasonal changes. I will start with winter. When it gets a bit bitter, there is this useful thing called a radiator, turn it on, hug it if you have to, you might even make a friend for life. After all, it might be the only friend you have, you sad sap.

Summer time, the one time of a year you all wish for, but then later regret it and complain like a little child. Once you see any sight of hot weather, you all become secret sun worshipers and make it your mission to burn under the sun like a fool. Some of you are stupid; you go out without applying any sun lotion, are you mad? You must be a new kind of stupid if you think that it’s safe to go out in the blazing sun without taking proper care of your skin.

I will tell you how stupid some people are. I know of a person who was told that olive oil helps protect your skin from the sun. What an utter idiot, olive oil is what you use to fry food with, it isn’t a sun lotion. You have just prepared your body like a slice of bacon going into a hot frying pan, and if you are that stupid to not understand the logic of olive oil, you deserve the days of pain and torture that comes with third-degree burns.

There are always simple solutions to keep cool or warm, but somehow this slips many people’s minds, and their pure ignorance somehow gets them through. You wouldn’t wrap yourself in a duvet if it’s boiling, it wouldn’t be logical. You also wouldn’t rip off all your clothes and then go walking through the snow to keep warm.

But, what would I know dear reader? I have been on this earth a while now, and you can guess that I have some experience with the basics of seasonal weather.

Ronnie Gitt.


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