Chronicles of the Abyss: Volume I
The Chronicles Of
Poems for The
Copyright © 2016
All rights reserved.
My loving family,
adopted & birth.
my mother & father, Zoe
Ann & Thomas Wilmoth.
the life I have been given and endless love and support.
birth-mother, Sherry Rozen.
For bringing me into this
world, and always
being there for me.
Waiting until I was ready.
My best-friend Bruce
For being Batman.
For being him.
For being the best
friend a guy like me could
ever ask for.
For my lost friend, Jacob
Rest easy, Jacob Austin
For my beloved daughter,
These are poems I have
hand-selected from the depths of my mental palace, “The Abyss”,
my mental archives. They still help when things get too overwhelming.
For all of those suffering from mental-illness, addiction, abuse,
abandonment, and trauma. I dearly hope these help you, and if not for
yourself, do it for me, take care of yourself. – Joshua
table of contents- (you are
to the abyss (THE portal to my mind) – P.2
floods – p.28
Tracers & Shadows -
sea – P.32
Part I – P.36
part II – P.42
meat shop – p.49
# 1 – P.52
Muse – P.57
The Same – P.59
A warning – p.75
first christmas since you HAve been lost – p.78
(doomed fate) – P.83
devil coiled in flesh – p.88
(a legion of confusion) – p.96
thought # 1 – p.108
glasses – p.110
moon – p.122
age of darkness – p.124
mirror – p.136
little lies (what lies below) – p.142
devil dances on the pale lake (illuminate) – p.150
– p. 164
sick – p.171
& psychotic snares – p.178
the author – p.216
The Chronicles Of
Poems for The
I’m the voice you
bottle-up, because you think
– Joshua Wilmoth
So this is permanence,
Love shattered pride.
What once was innocence,
Is turned on its side. –
Rest in peace Prince Rogers
Nelson, David Robert Jones, Lewis Allan Reed, Michelle McNamara
Welcome to The Abyss
(The Portal to My
I may look
white as a griffon.
You're all mistaken.
I'm a ghostly
Lifeless corpses all vacant.
I know how quick
innocence can be
How peace of mind becomes a lifelong
With succubus’s and evil selfish
They only worsen in severity and
intensity, their dark eyes glisten.
In dire repetition.
So just stop asking if I’m okay,
And have an
I know the loneliness.
And how it burns.
The racing thoughts, and endless
their repeating turns.
I know these familiar words.
I know about the worst.
Watching your daughter dance in
Cackling and laughing your name.
As I watch her tiny limbs break.
blood flood the room of
With a shrieking wail.
Followed by a freezing rain.
A mystic beauty with a moon-beam gaze.
But not before
the barbed wire latches
to my face.
Starlight is no one’s to take.
Blood outlines my shaking nape.
The only thing I can muster up
Is what it was
I know what it means,
To turn into inevitable madness.
how quickly that madness,
drives you to hate.
just to end in the same
A familiar room with four walls,
Guilt personified in your own mind frame.
It's so easy to say get over yourself,
When you were never six and raped.
By your best friend, hopping on a
What, a birthday.
Adoption, origins are a strange
Maybe you'll take a second, and wonder
why the worst days, are the holidays.
with madness as the only viable
I'm a weather wizard so let's start up
Quickly but surely it'll contort into
a pulsating hurricane.
The terrible horrendous winds,
mark all of the destruction in its
Well I need a new Slate to create,
I never knew heartbreak would be the
one I thank.
For a world with such interesting
That I don't care much for you kids
I mean what is the point.
always move on to the next clique or
social caste to infiltrate.
It laminates your existence with an
Like a magazine skin
glossed over and tamed
To devious ways.
temporary and fake.
I love the outcasts,
The loners who always seem forsaken.
But the madness
These plastic friends
That would never be caught dead
It leads me to dive in.
With a scuba mask,
Down to the abyss.
Past thousands of fishes and
All with human faces.
But only in common with the
devils that betrayed.
They are checkpoints of the
All its creates.
So far down,
that the water
It's no longer an ocean of heavy-black-tar.
A horizon of dark
complimented with a thick,
To greet my traumatic creations
of mutated fictitious bliss.
I dissociate, dawning a blank daze.
Talking to my
real fictitious friends.
Their beauty rots and I,
Become an ink-blot.
Like Damien the ancient green Dragon.
With a muddy
long green beard
Always resting on the floor, all matted.
His eyes all
popped and his pupils
dart around like lightning bolts,
With human facial characteristics
With lips cracked,
fashioned from archaic old stone, his skin is all
When he speaks rocks fall in his beard.
Lost like his stolen home.
I'm empathetic of this beautiful,
Always and only appearing through
His voice trembled the notes of doom.
One word and flowers would wilt,
like the weeping, wailing willows.
Though its contents reverberated an
His shadow titanic, looms.
I can see that Damien is the wisest.
The tantalizing fire he sprays, in a
Not a dangerous fire breather in which
Damien felt that soon,
he’d meet his own doom.
He’s lived 23,000 years.
He has dreams of a tower,
his glance stares back,
Is trauma what defines?
I was always so terrified of the
-tar, barbed wires and grime.
Causing me to
it continues to latch.
It would always start with his laugh.
A comment like a cold wind
that feels like nails picking off scabs.
"They're just being nice”
“You’re too shy”
“Shut the fuck up its pointless”
“You're wailing betwixt a rusted vice.”
But after years,
Of get over yourselves.
You only make your own twisted hells.
Believing in only your nightmares that
you only delve.
True love smears like wasted lip
Our story is like the legend of
Once a villain.
In a defining minute,
Went back on all of
Simply, being defeated.
At her lowest point.
She saw the light
Flapped her wings as her eyes
To be an ally for whenever Godzilla
deems it fit.
The prophecy you fashioned and you can
So I took it full force.
No matter how many nights,
Weeks, and months.
I rotted away in that box.
Eventually cardboard routine garage.
Oh, I yelled.
Talking to my selves.
Smashed my bones,
Talked to myself.
Let the darkness personify its own
I Created seven foreign hells,
characters before I knew their
Like dusty books on the shelf.
My head was
My heart was heavy in the darkness I
Characters and shadows that at first
made me contort.
Like a Wrigley worm picked up by that
Dropped in a storm.
with cut chords.
Plastic abusive romance had us
The thing I obsessed of the only thing
So in an illogical reality.
wasted, traumatized and blinded.
The stage is set.
Romance is the only regret.
Wasted time and I fly in
to catch myself like an out of control
Thrown out of a portal,
like a slap stick jest.
a play is waiting for
There's only one seat.
It's marked king
in serene velveteen.
Before I can even breathe.
I hear his
familiar voice shriek.
CUE THE LIGHTS.
ITS ALL FOR YOU, YOU SLAG,
ONCE ENEMIES ARE NOW THE REASON
YOU SHINE AND STAND.
Let the play begin.
Let the dark rise.
The Grandiosity is imminent.
The beauty in burning corpses as
Romance and true friends are madness;
This is what
The beauty in tragedy.
A mystical, extravagant, ever-
A dark mist basks the stage.
As the light settles dim & fades,
One spot light
shines, glimmers in its
A grandiose ego,
Free from the
clutches of rape,
“Dudley” is his name.
We look identical and practically the same.
The same exact height,
Although his posture makes him taller
intimidating and attractive.
Like a missing biological
Mind’s spinning, no time left to be relaxing.
It makes you cold and afraid.
His wicked galactic
A true maniac display.
Starburst eyes shouting to be
He's got crow’s feet like he hasn't
slept for days.
Or perhaps an entire age.
A black pinstripe silk blazer,
Black dress pants and
shoes, perfectly laced.
A gaze that penetrates.
His eyes are like planets that revolve
but always stay.
Exploding stars that are only two feet
As if your soul is being examined, and
his pupils are ready to dilate.
With open hands.
A wryly grin,
With a boom
Such a wondrous place.
Who cares about past trifles.
When this place is a
Pacing around with the confidence
minus the shame.
Waving his hands
As the stalking
mist only compliments
his luminescent skin.
The madness is happiness.
your number one fan my liege.
Can't you just feel the beauty this
place spawns it.
I'm here to stay, my king.
At times I may be mean,
It’s just some tough
A point screaming in the sting.
You love me and that's all I need.
We will conquer
All because of
beautiful warped mind.
Fight the lingering ghostly heart-
breakers, and those constricting
For I'm inevitably here to stay.
I'm the grandiose passion,
Everything you will
If you just embrace the madness.
With a laughing bow, he fades.
The next spot light flickers.
Like snow in the
Dividing like a penetrating glass
Two lights Grace The stage.
Scarlett Rose and Margot.
Polar opposites with the same body
Scarlet is a brunette.
Margot is a blond carrying
stone heart full of regret.
But their chemistry radiates bright as
They both wear the same red dress.
Smelling of lilacs and sunsets.
With no man, have they ever laid.
Although, many have obsessed.
They’re proud of their ways,
Scarlett rejects all emotion.
While Margot is a tidal
Some speculate, Margot is just under
the influence of a ghastly potion.
They always have
got something to say.
They’re both wondrous souls, well
aware of the power a woman has to enslave.
It makes them both hack and rend.
They always know why those wenches did
what they did.
Who they could've been,
And show me I'm not at fault
No matter the guilt, I’m
not to pay
for their sins.
It's never the end,
For they wouldn't so
Two broads, I'll always invite and
No matter how deep I am in the gallows
or the dreadful pits.
They both light cigarettes.
As the light flickers Like I finally
As the next spot light flashes a dark
It's rusty savage
The holy emperor of damage.
Lord of suffering
Mutilation and the dread.
He's heaving, and
dripping spit and
But tonight on this stage, he has a
few words to say.
His knees are shaking
Flies complete his stench of death.
while an onyx cube hides his head.
There's barbed wire
coiled around his
like a metallic snake dress.
He's prepared a speech to accumulate
all of his rage.
And his need to slash, burn,
stare into your soft gaze.
As you drift and the blood
Your vision like the sexual assault
that touched boys and lost golden rights.
He's hardly even four foot nine.
of all I tried to hide.
Those visions of blood and death.
He is the one that
To stab and hit,
Choking them all till they’ve had
their last breath.
He finds a beauty in ashen-lips.
I never got to hear what she said.
Now the rage, replaces your swaying
Echo through my fists.
Visions of hate flood
Memories are endless.
The fire burns like it always
It’s only a matter of time before the
Tears make the dry blood that lines
Trickle a bright burning ruby red.
He may start all the fist fights,
And make me see how
scar you and make your wife.
Reel back in such
Like way back when
I was a regular Dylan Klebold
obsessed with Columbine
Society killed the teenager
Aren't I right.
He goes silent,
Clenched fists like a titan.
fell from Olympus with just a
flick of Zeus’s light.
We'll knock you down and raise our
Clapping as I'm standing.
With a toast in spilling
The holy emperor of damage,
The face-melter of plastic.
As his blood stains the stage,
He bows as his barbed
The red light fades.
There's a silence
as Dudley shouts
“EVERYBODY CAN IT.”
The spot light shines.
With an overwhelming smoke,
You could swear it was
funneling from a dragon's Heated throat.
It's Rick, the brick.
The impenetrable bloke.
makes a motion, puffing his
The color of the light transcends to a
Giving a thumbs up and a wink to
He throws his eccentric hands up in a
Pops his leather collar,
Rick never had a father, so he dawns
a blue jacket that he stole when he
left his home and it only got harder.
Just as the
bags under his eyes got
He's got some slick black jeans.
And some sleek red
to always dance to James’s beats.
a cigarette, he is the
all I’ve got,
a beauty in the tragedy
mixed in with
As abandonment never stops.
Rick is everything,
my little mind has
“Don't sit there all upset”
“Forget about it!”
“I'm here to make sure you never cry”
“about another woman that left,”
“they were mooks!”
“Wastes of time”
“a horse’s head at the foot of your bed?”
“Thanks for the opportunity.”
“You sad bitch you.”
“Stand up and
puff your chest,”
“Give them something to
“They’re all just selfish
“Waste any more time and you will be”
“the only one to lose,”
last thing you need is more”
“So forget about it.”
“Don't start doubting,”
“I'll give you some backbone.”
stick those guns up”
“if disrespect comes Your way.”
“You won't become encased in a shroud.”
“Or fade out.”
“You exist in the now.”
“You figure it out,”
“thanks to my
“Like a tiger,”
“You'll punch them in the mouth.”
“Forget about it!”
“Because of me.”
“No longer will
another soul consider”
“you a mouse.”
“They'll burn before
they figure you”
“Like some charging bull that's about”
“to destroy their house.”
“You know where to find me standing in”
“the shadows of the tavern.”
“So whenever it's dark”
“and caving in like a cavern.”
“I'll help you figure it out.”
He takes a bow.
Ashing the cigarette he forgot about.
Only Dudley knows how.
There's only darkness around.
lightning strikes down.
As sparks almost jump into my
A spot light shines.
As smoke flutters.
Giving character to the stage,
and a fading echoing
There stands Shawn the shaman now.
creation of the fade.
A new mystical face.
The one who buried
Pete into the
When he and I we're the first ones who
He's such a silly sort
But the mystical magic
When things get dark he lights up the
sky like some godly force.
With spells and blinding
Chattering bones, and cackling like
the glistening blade of a sword.
Because of him.
Pete was buried in a whim.
Shawn arrived just when
He gave us closure
With his electric fingers.
And summoned muses and
With his telekinesis,
Buried him with secrets.
And I only said a few
We're all lonely.
When one takes his own life It’s
So I flick my fingers,
And in these last seconds transcend
his astral corpse,
with a charring burn.
Only by chance I arrived.
As his bones click and
Chattering upon his decaying body of a
His dark sockets have ruby eyes that
Like jewels of magic might.
Ha-ha, a bone misplaced falls off his
He picks it up and waves it around
As mysticism creates a shroud.
Riddled with an ink
A story formed with smoke and clouds.
How could a skeleton be so beautiful
When memories start repeating and so
comes delusional thinking.
Electric jolts out his
All I can see his chattering teeth,
He tells me these
thoughts are devil's
penetrating the beautiful ether.
They were all sluts,
yes they abused the
but they could never muster up much.
Leaving you for
Oh such funny stuff.
So let's go eat some lime-crows for
It's kind of like your wasted
The inevitable crunch.
Racing thoughts, hearing Dudley’s
And you're just about ready to burst.
let my magic
guide the hunch.
Focus on my voice, the past is the
You walked through fires and felt its
You're our king.
Of the golden sun and the
Hold on and don't sink.
My magic and their
Will sort out the chaos and let you
Thank you for this opportunity my
glorious golden liege.
Shawn the shaman fades with a gleam.
I clap, with shining tears.
As he appears right next
With his chattering teeth,
And seething magically
So the light fades,
With a blink of blinding light.
So the last character shines.
The stage is dark.
I squint my eyes.
WHERE'S THE REST OF THIS GUY.
No laughs are had, everybody stares back.
In a dead
guise, dawning skin of a pasty white.
Tippy tap tap.
A pair of shadowy feet.
Taps to a new beat.
drums go off in the back.
And they all join in
choir of brass.
He's got googley eyes on his laces of
Frozen shoe strings.
He's fashioned from
Seething a foreign lingering blackness
He always starts the beat, to the
Beautiful songs we sing.
In the tavern, no matter the
Or the memories that lead me back to
Destined to be the king of the brink.
Who owns all of the sun and flames it
Tippy tap tap.
He's the reasons I always have
beats hidden in my head.
Products of the Dread.
the little things romance never
How I was so close, but with no
options how can there be regret.
Get over yourself, and let the music
Heal the bitterness instead.
the ones who always left.
Or the bridges you burn,
Or had burned.
only feel hate in the rain.
With sour days,
For self-hatred and destruction,
how many missed
chanced turn to
Tippy tap tap.
The child like demeanor.
the reason for the euphoria in
I keep it altogether,
Just like the
drum beat in a song.
It follows the leader.
Tippy tap tap, the
James may not be a speaker.
But he's a beautiful
And a god damn mystical leader.
Through dance and art,
making us all feel the
We once forgot on that one night,
When we were
promised the earth and
ALL ITS CREATURES.
Tip Tip tap.
The light dissipates, as James fades.
With a tear full of fractals
Containing all my mistakes.
And all his music has
healed and made
And feel again.
Terrible electric devilish eels.
Darkness is the stage,
An awkward silence.
Echoing through outer space.
Down drops a plastic sun.
Ferociously hot like all
romance frantically runs.
Like a Retard convinced he
can rob a
Store with a plastic gun.
It’s all in traumatic fun.
Hah, I hear him laugh.
As the stage shines,
And confetti hit with a splash.
He makes a fist towards the sky,
and points at me
like I've got all
The most important man in black.
Confused, my lips retract.
Hahaha, and that's that.
Thank you for our story,
Sharing our shining grandiose glory.
You took so
But I forgive You.
The attention makes us beautiful,
and you are
“SO COMES A CLOSE.”
“NOW YOU KNOW US, DISGUSTING DOLTS.”
Dudley shines on the stage as he claps
To himself and dances around like it's
the end of his own show.
All seven stand proud of their
Existence and this world they've come to know.
You are our golden king.
Conqueror of the sun.
And all the flames it brings.
The light in the darkness.
The products of trauma
Welcome to the Abyss.
We are the creations of the
Where heartbreak and sexual trauma,
make such beautiful fictitious things.
madness, there is a grandiose
So now that you have had a listen.
Maybe this is my
peace from those Jack
The ripper eyes.
Or maybe chaos is waiting around the
waiting to unwind.
Well whatever I've got
Protecting my mind.
My closure for long lost things.
The ending to a
seemingly incessant mission,
I hopelessly confide.
This wishing well is
And figments always find a way inside.
Never ending stories,
like a bottomless portal that's always
beginning, at least I’m never boring.
hells I look to like heavens,
Some pseudo-intellectual retreat.
My beautiful warped
like mental illness mixed with
These things will never
So instead of drowning in the defeat.
And on some nights
I may see,
my daughter's face contorting from the
But I know that's just me.
I found some creative insanity,
In the madness I can
With these seven personas and
I can survive,
I can handle all of the overwhelming,
And unnecessary weight.
They'll always listen and only seven—
Out of ten.
Will they blame.
We’re so beautiful backwards and bent.
It’s irrefutable that our hearts,
So if it's to end in fire,
then I'll stand in these
Mystical, ethereal flames.
Although, they do nothing but
We’re all dreadfully ill in some
It rolls in floods.
Drowning anything that was.
Golden and full of love.
Dramatic and all damaged.
You were everything that was.
It’s kind of funny,
Idle in the wreckage,
Seeing everything that nature’s love
Everything is foul,
hours, tracers and shadows.
like prowlers and dark-personas devour.
Turning him to vapor,
as he drifts to the gallows.
memories are always shallow.
Screaming like stolen vowels.
complimented with velvet waves.
With pristine froth
like they were culminated from shavings of loss.
of the grandiose blazing lost.
The immense burning ones.
we all wish to be blessed by the sun,
but it's not our right.
We succeed in the clutches of the darkness, molested
The fictitious people.
They are white oval light.
I could never trust.
So I put my faith in—
Demons of lust.
The more I vanish,
the more problems I crush.
I have peace now.
I can just let go.
but even in this,
You're a crimson sea,
with beautiful tides.
Deep set eyes.
An artifact in my mind.
Curves that define.
I fantasize in my head,
there's nothing but ghosts and the
You think that's the culmination of scarlet the
brunette in red.
All the beauties, I could never have.
So I watch them rot until I burned the
And said I’m fucking depressed.
and he was right
I’m already dead.
Until my corpse is to be remembered.
well not me,
but the fade calls I must create
for that's all I have.
The crimson tides,
Habits that insist.
Scarlett the brunette in red.
Madness shows you the problems,
That refuse to quit.
Like the obsessive-haunting memories
that lie dormant in your head.
Read between the lines,
And tears you shall shed.
When all is said and done
You’re the only one left.
Binds Part I
These things are easier said than
They're usually reversed.
Self-Loathing mixed with chemicals,
Where did you go.
Ghost float through the wall.
I never wanted to waste your time.
You always seemed
to take mine.
The laughter is a convinced sublime.
All that wasted time.
All the confines.
Darkened rooms filled with shrieks and
At a certain point.
You were mine all mine.
With no excuses to find.
We were just two chumps.
Loving, lifeless slumps.
In the wrong life.
Although, that doesn't mean much.
Lust, broken hearts, and regrettable
You didn't even think twice.
She does what she does.
In your cold demise.
Although you searched for them when--
You felt his binds.
I never wanted to fix all the imperfections.
I just wanted your romantic selection.
In the darkest seas,
You would find perfection.
No one told you, you would be drowning
In a twisted heaven.
Intense outer blessings.
Euphoric I’m guessing.
Well I don’t know,
but you’ve definitely Become seven-headed.
Darling, where is your presence.
You simply vanished with the severance.
Not even an argument to leave us
So let’s go where the sun doesn’t shine.
Twisted and warped by your own design.
To those dark corners of the mind.
Inside caves of the darkest kind.
Creatures hiss and whine.
You don’t care,
We're on fire.
Still you've got wonderful hair.
Skins reeking black puss, cold
Intense outer blessings.
Euphoric I’m guessing.
You don’t care.
You couldn’t wait.
Twisted, cold, & deranged.
You just had to take,
Go to jail,
I’m just past ways.
Rides for months.
Nights full of lust.
Remind me again why we decided to
Line up all of my mistakes.
Claw my skin, stab me with rusted
Don’t bring them to the front, when they
Just pull them out for your escape,
Just like the looking glass shatters.
Behind the velvet curtains
You slipped away.
You couldn’t wait.
I just want positivity.
Please take my hand.
Slap it out of stance.
not a chance.
Man oh man!
I can feel those
These voices feel like swarming
A waking horror film that each
Feels like a disgusting,
I told you I’d wait for you,
Beyond the lustrous moon.
Imprinted in a golden prize.
Crafted from the divine.
Steal his golden right,
It's not his fight.
You deserved it,
You know that right?
Just like your father.
Missing since the beginning of time.
His own binds.
Are you still talking?...
Binds Part II
Kind of like when you left.
Everything started weighing.
No time left.
That you could be saving.
Crippling whispers and now he's
How I kept running.
From all the things my selves were
Boy oh boy!
Do they get frustrating.
From endless waiting.
Dripping from the conversation.
Some self-awkward shame.
That I really shouldn’t feel.
Although, I guess it’s inevitable to say,
I like it this way.
Shuffle his feet onward toward isolation.
only you and the darkened
tendrils in the brain.
The shadows that incessantly
Void of all that, on another plane,
stress comes in leaking stacks.
Reverberating laughs, darkest corners
Walk four miles while digging his own
Some psychotic thing that blames.
lined with disdain,
All the frail glass scattered
throughout his darkened astro-plane.
Millions of things to say,
Scribble the confessions and light the
Survive the portals of self-blame, and
Dividing as he creates.
Perfect vessel, endless flame.
Endure the flash-backs,
and the hurricanes.
Well until wasted time catches
and the winds starts to gust stuff.
Whispering that familiar
He could sail the moon with his blood.
If only he
could tear down the walls
Why would she care what he does?
You always wasted my time.
Although since the start of the dark,
I’ve never got mine.
So they bring in ghosts for dinner.
Which are all of my past splendors.
They all gaze beautifully.
With a hateful hinder.
That latches on.
Until I surrender.
Lost in their spiteful conversations.
Though they are devils.
They happen to be my menders.
To remind me so I’ll always remember.
When the walls breathe.
I make notes
On how it’s a sign.
It’s getting close to December.
Inevitable cold divide.
Surrounded by ghosts that inevitably
shriek and whine.
They yell as we choke,
spitting the words.
“SAVE YOUR WARNINGS”
“FOR SOMEONE WHO ISN'T BROKE”
“CUT THE STRINGS—CUT THE ROPE”
“WITHOUT THEM YES, YOU’RE DEPLETED OF HOPE”
“ASK YOURSELF THIS:”
“DID YOU EVER REALLY LEARN TO COPE?”
“THERE’S A REASON I STOP TIME”
“AND SHOW YOU HOW TO SURVIVE ON YOUR OWN.”
“I YOUR TOXIC CLONE.”
All the steeples you crushed under
After a while, they're all just silly
Numbers, you count in the after-math
of your evil.
A succubus lurks in his minds ether.
Tying me down to the things she's
You goddamn lustful demon.
You don't need a reason.
Just a heart to be eating,
Make him suffer, as you’re leaving.
Well I don't live in a nightmare
Get out of my scope.
You don't deserve my gaze,
My electric touch,
or the words I scribble
like desperate notes.
but she needs a wild-fire.
Gusts of winds,
she stands in the middle of
all the bullshit.
All the things you lost since this.
Haunts your mental rifts.
Leaving again and again.
What's to stop you?
I fell for you like an idiot for
I wipe pathetic tears.
That come in bursts, like he feared.
Seeing his death,
He wipes away the smears.
Dastardly, crafting the hurt for
A master plan, to make him obsess, and
then she left.
To deal with the worse kind of fucking
Well I’m dead
but I know.
Your psychotic ways.
I need some real soul,
and always the one to save.
Get out of my mind.
Wrapping me in black wires.
The Meat Shop
taken up ownership of the
local meat chop shop.
using the bodies of the rotten souls as hidden pasts
almost forgotten wrongs.
the horrors in their faces.
as he puts them on
display in glass cases.
with melting wax eyes, their heads in
vases made of feet.
some art of mutilated meat.
Standing on the counter.
singing out of key.
“Oh, look at me.”
“Look at these disgusting souls,”
“now they’re treats!”
“their heart was once gold,”
“promises only go ten-folds.”
“Now it's a rotting black-hole.”
“I remember when we were gold,”
“six years old!”
“Look at the beauty in tragedy.”
“All those wasted woes.”
“Such a blasphemy.”
“Chomp on their bones.”
“It's disgusting like the trust,”
“You would so gullibly hold.”
“That's just the way it goes.”
“It's already nine.”
“Time sure flies when your lost.”
“Floating in your own mind,”
falling to your death,”
“It's got rusted spikes,”
“filled with poison,”
“and on its pointed edges,”
“shares her stupid eyes.”
I feel the darkness,
a new scene plays.
A character grows,
and I forget why
I was even upset
in the first place,
Dudley you swell,
crafty apparition of a guy.
Psychosis # 1
a pitch black room, no doors,
Merely an old weathered table & bar.
There’s a swarming audible of mindless
that are indistinct.
like Rick with his black leather
With a pentagram zipper,
tattered skinny jeans.
with his obsidian cage that
holds a section of bars and eye slot,
his charred and muscular body is
wrapped in barbed-wire.
drips a staining,
acidic black tar,
as he heaves and grunts.
Scarlett, with her frilly pink dress
with a bow to match.
Dawning bright red lipstick
like you’d see in an Orson Welles movie,
with a smile that feels all fiery
Her slender forearms
wrapped around her one and only
who is identical to her,
but don’t let them catch you say they’re
Lest you be lying on the ground,
Bashed and faceless.
The life of the party Dudley.
He stands there as my clone, but he
All animated & funny.
A pinstripe jacket,
with a V-neck beneath.
He glares like a wolf,
There’s a cold darkness he seethes.
A regular Beowulf,
Who lies as he speaks.
As he talks to everyone laughing,
I slowly fade and their hands are
They start grabbing,
Like the way she left me.
I can't forget about James,
Who's merely a pair of shadowy feet.
With two googly eyeballs with furry
that move to his rhythm.
No one else is allowed here;
we are the mystical council of the abyss.
It's a glorious gathering.
Wine is being spilled.
Ale is being chugged.
Songs are being sung.
Tales are being told.
Rusty savage wanted to be irate.
Dudley frog punched him, the obsidian
cage that masks his face.
Dented and crunched.
Scarlet began pulling him off.
As we all chanted a song in unison.
Afraid we might lose him.
“Holy emperor of damage.”
“Raise the chalice.”
“Raise those glasses.”
“We all, can't handle it.”
“Together we will all dismantle it.”
“FOR THE DAMSELS!”
Scarlett is a dark beauty.
The strongest woman I know.
She gives no man her affection,
no woman either.
I wish I could be like her.
Ricks got an accent.
Dudley of course
is telling stories by the fire,
scaring the day lights out of us.
Standing up waving his hands acting everything out,
how he once knew a weak man
but through his own horrors
he became a strong victor.
The one who lit the world's fires.
Everyone’s eyes are attentive and
As if he suddenly spawned a stage,
Everyone wants to
wants him for her own.
In mid-sentence Dudley
snaps his fingers,
with a peculiarly loud clack.
That echoes and reverberates.
As all of their shadows form into one,
I involuntary inhaled them and in a
A vessel that’s self-deprecating.
It only retracts.
A burst of white light,
followed by a malicious,
and callous whisper saying:
"It's that time again."
Following it’s echoing reverberation
Hours of terrifying hysteria,
finally, I stop the retaliation.
In the depths when there is finally
A certain silence,
there’s an undeniable revelation.
although, the party has ended.
Although I always have the choice to choose.
Five years and the binds have got me
You're my muse, and I’ve got nothing
left to lose.
There's a certain beauty in the noose.
The constricting beauty of everything
All The Same
All the same
Intricately lighting the flames.
Where's the hate?
In the evidence of your own blame.
I see the darkness and his cackles
light the way.
undeniable and an incessant riddance.
I can't get rid of-
The electric sentence.
I see your face.
I can't find you in this place.
No need to erase.
For the haunting never ceases in your
Those lightning eyes,
which I still pray,
to your grace.
The lightning bolt of your face.
Strikes as it takes.
What's the difference when you're
always conversing to him.
Letting everybody else in.
The split persona who exists in the
Your soft skin, afraid of the love
Afraid of all the things you said
Where is your bliss.
Where have you been.
Lost in a man who counts you as he
The big break up.
Call it the shakeup.
I always loved your make-up.
The way it ran,
during this big break-up.
But I'd never know.
The way things go.
You always go.
Like things leave.
You laugh as you heave.
In the middle of grief.
I think I understand.
Then again, like a burnt leaf.
All charred and nothing left.
Well, well, my darling.
Where is the kingdom to siege.
A failed raid and I'm toxic,
So I watch you leave.
The most beautiful thing,
The only true thing,
you wore on your sleeves.
The only truth,
that speaks as it breathes.
In my bed, in songs, visions of violence,
Reek a past lining your sheets
What does it mean.
You're not there.
Clenching what you could not keep.
This I cannot bare.
when I first did,
I was touched.
I'm afraid I'm too deep.
In a memory.
At least you’re away from me,
you can finally sleep.
While I, watched you leave.
Leave is what I can't.
In the middle of the brink.
I escaped your haunting,
heavy feelings correlate as they
A mind of their own.
A mind of their own,
and it's never true.
I never owned.
It’s all the same
I’m used to the abuse.
Like you said,
I create the nightmare
that rots my brain.
Can only walk so far before they decay...
hard to sever the heads off of a
Shifting its blood just that it can take.
while it's being slain.
Its resistance increases as it
from the slice of a blade.
Only if evil is slain,
does it fade away.
It takes All the hits,
Even those that should have it sliced
Slithering away only to be stomped
into the abyss.
Even the ones that gleefully
Well we always say ignorance is bliss.
Like the levitation of delusional
an impenetrable tool of creation;
The magic of traumas gift.
No one said it was easy.
Manic depression is:
having the patience to climb a mountain all day.
upon its marble steps, light the
All the while battling terrible
spiders and snakes,
who lie an always try
I'm throwing up everywhere I wish we
The ideal way you see your wife,
in the flash of a haze.
With the lilac scent that resonated
from her nape.
She must have bathed in gooseberries,
for her hand must be my fate.
Then why burn the bridge?
Like a tyke claiming to be a misfit.
A damaged psyche rapes the bliss.
And I can't take it.
Into the abyss,
we have faded.
if I’m sure of anything
it's that I can break it.
Autopilot has emotions delaying,
with all the visions of spiders,
chattering and everything concaving.
only the silence he can claim as his.
Or his thoughts that swirl into
All because he can miss it.
Traumas become new characters in the
A thousand words circle like stars of
options and he can't even say it.
The devils have him slaving over this.
A clattering chaos in the mix,
which one of these personas can he
the nine self-states,
That take him on wild adventures
OSCILLATING DOOM IN THIS KINGDOM HE
CLAIMS AS HIS
their cackling, judging and convincing
him she's just like the rest.
Broadcasting delusional thoughts as
vigorously as a spider lays its eggs.
the harpy's waiting to sink her claws
into your little chest.
Talking to shadows like he hasn't had
One whom has the will of a god
no matter the extremity,
Or depravity of the sins.
For 10 years,
and he never called it quits.
Even in the insanity
he couldn't bare to call it the end.
Taking a chance whether or not he
gives a shit.
Low and behold the stars aligned I
knew ever since then.
That we'd make the world happy with
our creative minds blessed with
and repeated tragedy.
Whilst we were both unable to
Of heart-breaks swelling insanity,
coating apathy with misguided,
With every failed strategy;
We rearranged our psyche;
Building a new mental anatomy.
We're a pair of regular doctor
rising from the ashes.
Crafted in impeccable design.
Captured by two prophets in disguise.
By two souls with double the grandiose
Molding a perpetual ever expanding
with our creations the stars
We are the evolving fantasy happening.
are the last of the shadow puppets.
And my friends we're always
It’s confusing on this side.
She was ideal in
We must be addicted,
the suffering of a cruel plastic—
at least they give us a surprise.
She was ideal in our eyes.
But I'm up until dawn,
talking to illusory moths.
Talking to Dudley,
sitting at a table in the tavern.
Then it hits me like an unidentified
reversed to bitter-spite.
Painted in a blinding-white.
I had no idea my galactic eyes,
Were flooded caverns.
Infested with behemoth spiders,
eyes of a glowing amber.
Realizing they’re being fed sorrows.
A creeping monstrous presence
in my mind.
I can't avert my eyes.
So the spiders pluck them out,
with all of the blood loss,
as they chatter in the shadows
muttering their deceitful talk.
It's safe to say.
I've already died.
The spider's now dawn a pair of human
that were once mine.
What we once owned,
has no value when
it's only a memory in your mind.
Left with only fractals of pictures,
like a slowly disintegrating fragment
Just underneath their embedded
all seeing eye.
They tell me of this,
all while they devour my insides.
Their gaze of gloom,
but I’ve already died,
As the scene ends.
It begins to rewind.
Meeting the lady in red
at the wrong time.
Oh yes, the darkness waves
As I hear the laughs wind.
Nothing is as somber as a perfect
Well we must suffer to create.
We must sacrifice the thing called
So that the delusional grandeur
blesses our fate.
The first pleasant presence,
and all I've got is damaging
I'll be ransacking her for evidence,
so it's better that I’ve left it.
For years I prayed in isolation.
For romance and its grandiose
Until Romantic trauma,
repeated itself until insane rambling
Is all I claimed in isolation.
Flooding the emotion and mending the
Hearts always tend to break,
so we only give what we can take.
When they snap is when they begin
to shift and rearrange.
That's when you see yourself staring
back in the flames.
Analyzing all of what you became.
Unable to recognize the shadow of
yourself in the fade.
and always losing to the illogical
that you spit all the while—
pushing them into the back of the
Only remnants of evil conquests,
mutated as horrific stains,
until they create;
A new character,
That haunts or graces
My meager existence.
While I drop out into the
Gazing into the abyss,
It won't glance.
But personify, and talk right on back.
As if suddenly I've got claws, and I.
so real you
wonder what the point of
even existing here is.
Staring blank in a garage for years,
filled with smoke.
And my flesh and blood.
Well that's another tale of woes.
Until a world was created through
Dropping out to figure out the real
Talking to Dudley and watching him
dance with sharp swords.
Forced to see myself die by his hands
23,000 different times.
A forceful tortuous grind.
six-hour shifts to see how you
let yourself be defined.
Barbed wire, pools of black tar.
Transcendence from suffering
in a vice.
Only in the darkness
will you find the oval light.
Only telling him to disperse, Shouting
at the walls,
Telling him he only makes it worse.
For so long he was the evil enemy,
the apparition I was so afraid of
like he was the one who made me crazy.
Though we've become one in the same
Ignorant to my own madness so he had
to slay me
In the raining hell-fires
of the tragedy.
Of an unending catastrophe.
Unintentionally I created a defense-
All my obsessions,
Molded into a faded reality.
Although I couldn't stop fading.
Drinking, and watching friends leave
one by one,
they all dissipated into the melting—
Being used and abused by the most
You can't control what you've lost and
what you've won.
You’re not alone in this,
so don't burn the world.
Get up and show the world everything
Art is mending;
All kinds of saving;
Paint your name in the stars
go ahead they’re waiting;
They’re all yours for the taking.
I feel spiders crawling.
They’re whispering something about
"a snake only moves slow if it's got you"
She was ideal.
well so is a spider's encroaching
It's just us in the beautiful abyss.
Though it's somber.
I can see her in my mind until the
Though I'm staring fearless at a
behemoth of a spider,
I know she wasn't a sniper…
My mind has not mended from those
Those seducing vipers.
The way spiders crawl inside.
A wriggling churning thing that
Lost staring into it's darkened,
but glowing amber eyes.
Into creation I dive.
I know nothing of fear,
False Evidence Appearing Real.
The definition of all that linger,
spider's and other horrors in my
I accept the swelling demons that
In creativity I mend,
and I strive.
These soliloquies come with the
transcendence of grandiose rights.
Let this be a note; Even the most
damaged and frail
can walk through the gates of hell.
No matter how many accursed lightning
blue eyes convince you to dwell and delve.
The regret has no value,
you're better off listening to your
friends that know you so well.
No one can afford time
or wasted youth
that only comes in to knock around the
Sadness: A Warning
for ignoring its pulsing nature
can only lead to madness.
You'll find years have passed
What once made you sad is now,
You will undoubtedly find it difficult
trying to remember when it all
The only thing that seems to seal the
is the lack of your friend’s voices,
and the boiling pain.
Your problems don't care about your
If you don't dig at their roots,
you'll find people leave to soon.
Though few remain true.
You will find yourself losing friends
just like you've lost time.
Hear my words.
They are not pointless vibrations of
Don't let yourself become toxic; the
At least not until you burst,
Take a load off,
no single-man can handle the weight of
Don't lead your friends into the fire,
don't let them burn.
Take it from the toxic,
The First Christmas
Since You Have Been
you why I go
Oscillating as his ego gloats.
He's got specters molesting his throat.
Those cackles reverberate Audibles and
visuals, like he can see times flow.
Even the dead up and leave.
Even the dead betray as they sleep.
Even the dead make mistakes and grieve.
After all, half a mortal with the
penetrating light of a god,
Down that vortex
Down that portal.
If there's one thing we've never
It's the definition of normal.
Even the dead ramble, trust me I know.
Your poor soul.
My sweet prince.
I never knew how to loathe.
Can't trust a soul,
They created these mending grips.
How I've rebelled in its splendor ever
After the inevitably of being
comfortable in the clatter.
All that matters are the flames
that rise, and the vibrations
that stretch off of his lips.
The moaning moon that shares his eyes,
Trauma never subsides,
we’re only a victim if we decide.
Then why have I lost so many.
Taking their own life.
This universe of psychosis is back,
The irrefutable fact
That these fictional beings
are the most believable people
I've ever known.
So the waves of chaos attack;
Nine personalities chime in and laugh.
No one told me when I was six,
would be just so god-damned hard to grasp.
Spilling ale and knocking against the glass.
Josh stop that.
We all pick-up heroin to forget the
God rest all of your souls,
I just want you back.
Being touched at six-years-old.
It’s nothing, and still I ask myself
underneath this cold sky.
Where are you and why.
Fuck my girlfriend,
but of all things why betray me
that way, why did you have to die?
The clock ticks,
Take my eyes,
Am a feeble creature.
It’s the cruelest,
inevitable, irrefutable, undeniable, unpassable,
Turning us all into weepers.
Take my eyes and slay me like Caesar.
You promised, you were getting better.
That it was getting easier.
Josh is at it again.
The voices oscillate,
How the fuck am I these figments
They tell me in unison.
"Those fools know nothing,”
“of the horrors that grasp,”
“That take you by the hand”
“and say we're the best of friends,”
“that a loser has ever had.”
“I'm all you have,”
“So let me have my way with you.”
“It's what friend do.”
As Jack the Ripper smiles stretch,
the horror of the past.
His cackling laughs
send us the message that madness is in effect.
Molested & erect.
He does nothing but touch and grab.
All their faces.
They're burning me alive,
This world is tipsy turvy and shaken.
They claw their skin to the bone,
They're all wasted.
I want to die, but then I want to maim—everyone
who refused the time.
But not before floods poor out,
I'm a disgusting rotting piece of flesh
betwixt the pinnacle of the shroud.
All we can hear is the waves of
I try to argue but the room keeps
In the moaning silence, the calm just
A raging scream, there is no
The unison marks the transition.
To be free, you must crave the clatter
the chaos, all it takes is admittance.
you lose us to the illogical and the
The star falling across the distance
of the plains.
I hear it whistle, as I see it's
"this is your fate"
purple and violet it intoxicates.
I hear his maniac voice, and how we've
got to chase.
It's energy, and harness it's
This spider, the Fear, and all the little scenarios
It creates, that same voice. getting louder
YOU WILL MEND THE ONLY THING LEFT
TO BE SAVED.
no matter of the dark tendrils
shooting up from the lake.
trying to molest my nape.
slime and ooze dripping down.
Making us shiver and shake.
a whisper flies left to right.
False Evidence Appearing Real,
you are the master of the apparitions
that have you convulsing like how your
convinced everything is an insult
if you were some frail deer.
humanoid in appearance, but you couldn't shriek.
you can only leer.
let me assume control and let the
In the maddening
you mend as you gleam.
yes, yes, yes, my GOLDEN KING
luminescent like the moon,
the lord of doom.
SLAY THE BEASTS.
THOSE TRECHEROUS DEMONS THAT HAVE TORN
YOUR POTENTIAL BIT BY BIT,
MAKE THEM SEETHE.
THE DARKEST DARK OF REGRET, UNLIKE THE QUEEN.
QUEEN OF DEATH,
THAT MADE YOU REAVE.
CRAWLING BACK LIKE YOU CAN'T EVEN
STAND ON YOUR OWN KNEES.
YOU MY KING,
WE ARE WITHOUT BINDS,
LET THE BLINDING WHITE LIGHT LEAD.
I laugh on my own with a wide gaze.
It's all so funny when you clean the
Finding intricate formulas,
strategic dealing of your own personal
some metaphoric hell of a prison,
you'll always learn from your
No matter how long it takes.
With all the drug intake.
Manic depression, and a bashed brain.
So many self-inflicted concussions
it's truly a wonder he's not his own
What a waste of time.
That voice still circles as it
Making comments about how we're all
going to die.
If rusty savage gets out,
it's all over.
that's the end of all times.
A disgruntled brute,
with a six-year-old mind.
It's all about the strategies.
Accepting your losses,
and in truth giving them time.
I never did
believe in god.
And I sure as hell have
That innocence and inkblots.
The source of Dudley's Rot.
I have accepted the innocence I lost.
No woman, no matter how convincing
ever claim a spot.
In my head or heart, no matter her
curves or the softness in her voice
The feeling of being accepted,
honey I’ve got the void.
So many people and characters
I’ve got some universes to create
before we talk about boys.
So I’ll burn the bridges I’ll be the
master who destroys.
I became what I must because of my
isolation and anxiety like I was still
a six-year-old toy.
some wasted vessel of potential,
molested by outward opinions.
So take what you can from your own
Our mind bounces, with the
disassociation we feel so childish; So coy.
Go with the flow, and create your own
mind palace of a dominion.
in your own strategies you will
Like the golden king,
represented by Dudley.
In your own madness you can find your purpose.
A Devil Coiled in
bright and burning, cackles
as he steps.
His laughs make the world start
Black tar seeps from his breath.
Where did you come from?
His voice is maddening, throbbing,
You can't hide from what lays within
The ultimate creative tool, the
It kills, but it lets you survive.
The bridge he can cut with a slice.
Playing tricks trying to get inside.
They're all lies.
Nothing is real that they could
Past sexual abuse,
there is no greater evil than by your
own hands, hanging from a noose.
But like I could never choose.
Just how I often felt I was shit into
existence as a ruse.
In the center of our psyche we
stumbled upon the truth.
A devil coiled in flesh.
Maniac laughter and I can still hear
The darkest darkness laid—
dormant in our
Once it was released, it made its
bellowing name heard, and then it
Spawning a world of terrible dread.
Forced torture for enlightenment
he shrieked as he said.
“I will lead you to happiness”
“If you listen to me, yah’ dolt,”
“If you don’t, well,”
“we both know you’re a liar.”
So adventures were sung.
Tales were spun,
many tempests took place with mighty
Up the ladder we climbed
and many-a-bell we wrung.
I needed a push,
although, I could never let go.
So many skeletons hung.
Knocked me where I stood.
In the madness I found admittance.
Living in two worlds, but to reality?
Not all who wander are lost.
Tolkien once said,
in this severe
psychosis I see everything that was
Even the dead talk.
I spin in circles and talk in tongues.
Screaming and laughing;
Into the darkness I plunge.
The ceilings sinking and the walls are
I guess I should thank you for this
even with all this disgusting tar and oozing sludge.
All the torment and the horror,
it's never enough.
Maybe when I burn up.
Until then I'll ...
I've lost my train of thought.
His eyes, bright and burning,
Cackling as he steps.
His laughs make the world start
Black tar seeps from his breath.
Where did you come from?
his voice is
maddening, throbbing, and bursting.
You can't hide from what lays within
The ultimate creative tool, the
It's kills, but it lets you survive.
I never liked the old me, White-rage-
The bridge he can cut with a slice.
Playing tricks trying to get inside.
They're all lies.
Nothing is real that they could
Take a look at the mess of your mind.
Sloppy, basked in whines.
You need some pretty colors; you need
Betwixt the horrors that always
Unlike felines, we humans, we’ve got
If there’s one thing so many of us
take for granted, it’s life.
The darkest darkness
laid dormant in our head.
Once it was released, it made its name
heard, and then it bred.
Spawning a world of terrible dread.
Forced torture for enlightenment he
shrieked as he said.
A devil coiled in flesh.
Or is it really who I am,
I wonder, I do wonder.
Sometimes it's hard to tell the
difference, the thing that saves me.
It's simple, this composition hurts to
Dudley, oh Dudley hear this call.
Know I miss you friend,
An illusory shadow of perfection.
Unchained, lacking all of my faults.
I miss you friend,
and death is the hardest lesson.
Those echoing laughs that command as
The blunt way you guide,
Shouting as you laugh,
it's quiet and I miss you my white
I have no regrets.
Your euphoric white light
Has no equal but divine.
My beautiful devil coiled in flesh.
(A Legion of
in the earth.
I don't know,
I didn't ask for this curse.
What are we worth?
Humans are all fools, until we learn.
I'm a creep
I'm a lurch.
I'm a sick puppy,
I love the way you hurt.
Call me addicted
Cause baby girl you know I never
This isn't magic, I'm no wizard.
This is just tragic, look at my pale
Look at my scars,
I try too hard.
Mental quakes and mind fissures.
Mind looks to the stars, stuck in your
Can't accept the facts,
Why is it so hard to listen.
Even with insides screaming.
We both know, you won't come back.
Door slams and your leaving.
Bubbling and steaming.
You're own your own and heaving.
So many excuses, but you can't accept
that you're the demon.
No matter how many backs I bend.
Memories haunt like the dead rend.
No matter how many letters I write,
They won't be sent.
The scenes you draw over and over
Have no end.
Your claws have such a tightening
Guilt comes in echoes, screaming
An audible execution.
The way you go fooling.
I'm paranoid, sleuthing.
I try too hard, but an endless legion.
Has you spiraling in the confusion.