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Let's Hope the Future Doesn’t Sound This Bad

by: Jonathan Antony Strickland

On the planet that was commonly known as Tzegorp, three aliens consisting of a Human, a Dravike and a Hirnarop had arrived to a less than welcome reception by the local populace. This had been a first for the three, for when visiting other worlds on their sensational tours, screaming fans of all races had always greeted their arrival with manic enthusiasm. In fact, over the years, each had become less and less exited to find themselves being constantly mobbed by fanatical devotees who would go to bizarre and in some cases extreme measures just to catch the merest glimpse of their beloved idols. So upon arriving at Tzegorp as their gold and green hyper-galactic spaceship touched down onto the planet's lush blue grass, it had come as something of a shock to find that for no particular reason the local authorities had threatened to arrest them on the spot if they didn't leave immediately. They were then told that serious consequences might occur if they refused to go, and what was even stranger (well... for them anyway) was the fact that none of their screaming followers (who devoted their lives to pursuing them from planet to planet) were there to witness it.

If only they had swallowed their pride there and then, then they wouldn't have found themselves in their present predicament.

They all now sat together in a small grey cell, each tied to a cold metal chair. They had been left in these chairs for nearly three hours and each of the three was becoming increasingly uncomfortable as the cold hard steel slowly began to dig itself into various parts of their differing anatomies, with each tied in whatever way their bodies presented to stop them from escaping. The human, tied with his arms and legs bound to the chair, the Dravike with his three tentacles all bound-up to the cold steel, and the Hirnarop with his two wings and four flippers bound like-wise. All too were gagged (the Hirnarop gagged twice as he had two mouths) so they could not communicate verbally with each other. Their eyes however were left uncovered, and these took in their miserable surroundings. It was the eyes that showed the terror, wide-open, darting around in every direction at the slightest noise as each feared the worst.

All three were more or less thinking along the same lines as they questioned themselves as to why they'd come to Tzegorp of all places, the small purple planet known throughout the universe for taking only the most astounding, superior and cultured individuals of all the alien races. Aliens (it had been claimed) that knew the actual essence of what makes true greatness, living only to witness the sheer brilliance a culture can randomly throw up (be it from a single individual to a multitude of minds) by various means. On Tzegorp the only sin was not being able to produce a work of truly outstanding art, a solid piece of magnificence that would live eternal and be remembered throughout time as a work of pure genius.

They could have continued travelling around the galaxy where they were mega famous, making zillions of grezogs, fernpah's or pounds etc... etc... depending on which planet they were on. Women as well were not a problem, for wherever they went, no matter the planet or race, screaming hordes of loved up girls would follow their every move, delighted that they had chosen to grace their humble planet with their latest gig. Of course, certain problems did occasionally occur, what with their average fan base being rather young. Past experience had learnt them to check the ages of the female they desired before bedding her. The amount of times each one had been punched in the mouth/mouths by angry parents was nobodies business (apart from the authorities of course). And sticking to a female of the same species was also something that they now all practiced, especially during the early part of their sexual experimentations, during which time each had picked up around ten weird and wonderful diseases, and each infection presenting a knew and varied strangeness and ferocity.

So of all the places they could have gone, why come here? Well, the answer to that was simple… Pride!

It's the old story. Somewhere along the lines the three began to believe the hype that was (in all truth) being generated by their money hungry agents. For some strange reason after starting the band about three years ago they had all forgotten why they had started it in the first place. In the beginning they had never planned on becoming so famous, but had in fact planned to simply last a good few years in the business and make some quick and easy dosh/grezogs/fernpahs.

In those early days each one would have admitted he was completely talentless and could never make it big in the real worlds. Stacking shelves in supermarkets would be about as good as it got for them until the opportunity had come along and the three had started the first ever “Mixed Species-Intergalactic-Boy Band”... And the rest (as the earthmen tend to say) was history.

They were arrested after their first gig on Tzegorp, dobbed in by her very own people who had actually come to watch them perform. They then had been quickly bundled off by the local constabulary and taken to this place. After being given some boring talk about how they had broken Tzegorp's most prized rule (which none of them understood) they were taken to the little grey cell, tied and gagged to the cold metal chairs, and told to wait until the court had decided what sentence and punishment should be dispensed upon the three of them.

Each worryingly now silently pondered what was going to happen. The crazy planet didn’t abide with intergalactic law, considering the rest of the galaxy beneath them. They had heard stories of brutal murderers walking away Scot-free if the reason for them killing someone had been because the victim was not showing any potential in his/hers or it’s field of vocation.

Suddenly a hidden speaker inside the cell boomed out, it first announce that it was the voice of their prosecutor and that sentence was about to be passed. This then is what it said: "You have been charged with the crime of producing appallingly crap music. Full of mundane love songs aimed at an audience for the young and feeble minded. We find you GUILTY.…! In your defence you have said that you craved fame and had fallen victim to the lures of money! We understand that this is a mental disorder suffered by fools as yourselves, so we have decided to be merciful to you and have appointed the kind hearted "Sargon the Utterly Awesome". He will take you through a process that will change the three of you, rid you of the horrible illness of the masses that burns away any form of talent. From this day forward you will no longer be pathetic wastes of life, contaminating all that's good around you. Instead you will be looked on as a work of outstanding genius."

The next thing the three heard was a loud stomping noise which began to approach the door to the cell. Sweat and other substances were beginning to appear on the three's bodies as the noise grew louder. Then they realised that the stomping noise was indeed footsteps, gigantic footfalls that were approaching the cell door.

Upon reaching the door the footsteps stopped and the door swung open.

Their eyes appeared to open even wider as they beheld a horror that filled the doorframe. Each of them recognised what it was, a dreaded Kriezor, feared by all who had ever had the misfortune to survive an encounter with one.

Kriezor’s were known around the galaxy as hot-headed warrior types who hated virtually all of the other species of aliens known. This one however appeared different to the average Kriezor that you might see on the street (not that many where ever seen on the street, and if you did see one then it would not be a good day for you!) but it was not in looks that it differed, but in dress. The Kriezor still physically looked like any other Kriezor. Eight foot tall with green scaly skin, each of its four arms bulging with huge biceps, a tail that split into two and ended in barbed points and huge bat like wings that sprouted out of its back.

And then of course there is the monstrously broad head, covered in red scales with three tiny eyes on each side, with each eye containing three glowing pink pupils of hatred. Also on the head were two large curved horns that looked like black polished ebony tusks, sprouting out of the side of its head. Worse still was the dreaded mouth, with dozens of four inch razor sharp teeth that looked like small curved daggers made out of blue steel, which could be opened at ninety degrees revealing a forked tongue that split like the tail of the beast.

However instead of wearing the black plated battle armour and carrying a seven foot long Lagerian axe with its three serrated blades, this one was wearing baggy brown trousers and a white ripped vest. Around its eyes it wore industrial goggles, the kind that factory workers use when operating dangerous equipment. In its huge clawed hands it carried a large, strangely shaped box, made out of a brown mahogany type wood, and a six foot by four foot white canvas.

The creature then stood for a few minutes in total silence and studied the three individuals tied and gagged to the chairs. Then with a nod as it came to some conclusion in its head it took the large white canvas and leant it upon the wall behind the three.

Next the Kriezor went to the large brown interestingly shaped box and opened the lid. None of the three had a clue what was going on and all expected the Kriezor to take out some kind of torture equipment from the box. At this point one of them (who shall remain nameless) became so nervous that he defecated inside of his Y-fronts.

When the Kriezor removed the object within the box each sighed with relief as they had an idea as to what it was. Each was reminded of a musical instrument that had seemed to have been developed in some shape or form by every alien race around. To the Dravike it looked like a fazion-monpalto, to the Hirnarop it looked like a pilthgorn, and to the Human it resembled a guitar.

In fact it was almost identical to a guitar, the only difference being that this one looked like two guitars welded into one. Also instead of six strings (which is normal upon the humans planet), this double barrelled guitar had eight strings which divided into four and connected to each of the guitars two heads. The human surmised that this was because of the four arms of the Kriezor, its anatomy being fairly unique among the rest of the universe.

The Kriezor then strapped the instrument to its body and began to play. It was like nothing the three had ever heard before... The music was fantastic! Each of them forgot about their current situation and was whisked away by the melodies and sounds, the vibrations almost seeming to reach inside of them and caress their very souls as the Kriezor strummed the strange looking guitar. The tunes that were being produced varied in style and each was reminded of the classical guitar players of old. The Dravike was reminded of Lob, Cision and Habe, the Hirnarop remembered greats such as Fliva, Flewin and Floppy, and the Human remembered the past greats of the twentieth century who'd lived over a thousand years before but stilled played to this day because of genetic engineering, greats who through time it was said could never age, legends like Hendrix, Slash, Berry, Clapton and May. At times the Kriezor’s fingers were going so fast that they became a blur and each guessed that the magical artistry that was being shown to them was to give them an example of what great music should contain.

The show had lasted now a good hour and near the end each of the three was reduced to tears by the brilliance on display. All of a sudden the Kriezor stopped and looked hard at the three who could do nothing but hang there heads in shame. The Kriezor then brought the two hands it had used to play the guitar down hard on the strings making the room fill with a loud screeching noise. Each of the three cringed at the horrible noise it produced. As the guitar continued making the hideous sound, the Kriezor pointed the heads of the guitar at the Hirnarop. The other two watched as the Hirnarop started to shake uncontrollably. The Kriezor then began to twiddle some of the tuning knobs on the guitar and as it did this the Hirnarop’s shaking increased even more. Then as the Kriezor became satisfied with the tuning, it brought it's two hands down hard on the strings while it was still pointed at the Hirnarop. The other two still watched as the Hirnarop began to convulse, then the flesh on its body began to vibrate and ripple to the notes that the instrument produce. Next came a loud splitting sound as the Hirnarop exploded into a green pulp. The blood and guts of the Hirnarop went everywhere, covering the Dravike and the Human who were now in a state of panic.

The Kriezor then twanged the guitar again making the horrible noise and this time it was pointed at the Dravike. Again the tuning was performed and again the Dravike convulsed as the Hirnarop had before. Then once the Kriezor was happy with the tuning it brought its two great hands down hard on the strings and the Human watched horrified as the Dravike was blown to bits, its blue blood and guts splattered everywhere like the Hirnarop's innards had only moments before.

Last it was the Humans turn, he watched terrified as the horrible procedure of twanging and tuning the strange guitar continued so that it would vibrate every cell within his body. As this commenced the human worked his tongue against his gag and managed to force it off his mouth so he could talk. He had only a few seconds to scream out his plea to the Kriezor.

"Stop, stop... In the name of all that is good, I beg thee to stop. I realise now what I have done... What we three have done! Please, give me a second chance. One More… Please just one more chance and I will make myself into a great musician like yourself."

At this last remark the Kriezor gave him a confused look before bringing down his hands hard onto the strings and blowing the Human up. Turning him into a red mist of blood, flesh and guts.

Shaking his head and wondering why the human had thought he was a great musician, he walked over to the canvas he had laid behind the three. He smiled as he realised his latest masterpiece was finished and picking up the bloodstained canvas that was now covered in the exploded colourful bodies of the three dead aliens, he uttered but a single word.



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